MINDHUNTER Season One, Episode 1 Review (S1 E1)

Mindhunter

 

Television for the better part of the last two decades has been inundated with shows about the criminal justice system. The Law & Order and CSI franchises. The Wire. Cold Case. True Detective.

Each series delves into one or many of the various aspects of law enforcement: Investigating. Apprehending. Prosecuting. Sentencing. Punishing. Criminal Minds takes it a step further by profiling the criminal, a plot distinction that has spawned two successful spin-offs.

It’s hard for a new show to join the crime genre and set itself apart from established players, which together have produced thousands of episodes.

Netflix’s new original series, Mindhunter, though, looks to do just that by setting the clock back to the 70s, when the idea of criminal profiling was in its infancy. Before that the attitude was “the criminal is just crazy.”

Holden Ford is a special agent in the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit in Quantico, Virginia. He’s a 29 year-old  hostage negotiator from Brooklyn who takes a full-time position as an instructor at the bureau. While there, he overhears a neighboring professor tell his class about the changes in crime.

“Forty years ago, your FBI was founded hunting down …criminals who thumbed their nose at society but were basically in it for personal gain,” the instructor says, referring to serial killers Charles Manson and the “Son of Sam”, who committed his crimes because his dog told him to. “Now we have extreme violence between strangers. Where do we go when motive becomes elusive?”

The comments resonate with Holden as he  realizes that the techniques in understanding criminals in 1977 is evolving. He sets out to update his and the bureau’s comprehension of criminals, which he complains is five years dated. In the process, Holden meets Debbie Mitford (Hannah Gross), a graduate student who becomes his girlfriend and Bill Tench, an FBI agent who’s assigned to give classes to  local law enforcement across the country to teach them tricks of the FBI and vice-versa.

Noticing Ford’s desire to acquire knowledge, Bill takes Holden to one of his classes in Fairfield, Iowa during the middle of huge local story known as the Jeffries case. The case is an unsolved murder of a mom, Ada Jeffries, and her son found behind the local church. It’s gotten the attention of local news media for its heinous and grotesque methods: The mom was stabbed repeatedly in the chest and face. A broomstick was stuck up her rectum. Her son was forced to watch and was killed similarly.

While giving classes to the local police, Holden learns more about the case and also realizes that the cops there don’t want to learn beyond the idea of “the criminal is just crazy.” However, a senior law enforcement officer, Frank McGraw,  asks Holden and Bill for help in solving the Jeffries case, even though he too is among those with the long established mentality. Frank admits that the killer left behind no clues: Motive, fingerprints, shoe prints, or hair. Holden believes because of that the crime was premeditated.

Questions begin to emerge:

Was the killer stalking her?

Why make the boy watch?

Why sodomize her?

Is this crime about the woman or the child?

But when the question becomes blunt and Frank agitatingly asks, “What does a broomstick in the ass of a dirt poor single mom mean?,” a befuddled Holden steps back and admits, “We don’t know any more than you do.  Sorry. We can’t help you.”  Bill, though, takes the crime scene pictures and tells Frank he’ll bring them back.  Both leave and Holden tells Bill that they don’t have the resources to solve the case.

This final scene of the first episode opens a myriad of possibilities for the rest of the season: Will Holden admit that there are no answers to crimes of this nature? Will he try to learn more about the criminal mind? Has the Jeffries case taken away his motivation to learn? Will he try to get those resources? How does he move forward?

The answer to these questions, though, will do to Holden what he says his hostage negotiation roleplays do to his students:

Psyhcologically prepare him for reality!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Holden is called two things in this episode: A blue flamer and a backroom boy.

  • Blue flamer means when one is “so eager to do good that they have big blue flame shooting out of their asshole.”
  • In researching backroom boys I found the definition to mean “a skilled political strategist” that “lacks the charm and charisma necessary to run for office himself and, therefore, is likely to stay a backroom boy for the rest of his career.”

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:  “How can you figure out the criminal mind if you cant figure out your own girlfriend?” Debbie tells Holden.

 

POP CULTURE REFERENCE: Holden goes to the theater to watch Dog Day Afternoon, a film released in 1975 even though the show is set in 1977. In fairness, Holden shows the film to his class as well, which by then would’ve already been on Betamax. Maybe he went to one of those theaters that screens old Oscar-Award winning movies.

DEVIANT TERMINOLOGY: Holden tells Debbie that there were words he couldn’t use at the Academy, called deviant terminology including fuck, shit, pussy, and blowjob, all of which she says during sex. “Fuck. Shit. Finger my pussy, I’ll give you a blowjob.”

America: The Final Season A Complete Episode Guide To The 2016 Election (Game of Thrones-style)


The 2016 presidential campaign season has played out like an intense television drama. Missed an episode? Don’t worry cause below is my episode summary of the season, including the final tw0 episodes that are yet to air. So join me as I present to you the episode guide of:

 

AMERICA: THE FINAL SEASON

Episode One: WINTER IS COMING: A tyrannical, billionaire businessman announces his candidacy for the presidency amid laughter and sneers, but soon takes his Republican party, and the Seven Kingdoms, by storm.

Episode Two: FEEL THE BURN: A Vermont senator takes on the Democratic machine and becomes its unlikely break-out star, but soon finds himself undermined by the party’s most powerful forces.

Episode Three: MHYSA: The wife of a former president announces her long-awaited candidacy for the Democratic nomination, bringing with her from the onset hundreds of already pledged superdelegates.

Episode Four: BATTLE OF THE BASTARDS: October surprises come early for the Republican Party in this fully-loaded episode. A former Republican presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, blasts the party’s current front-runner, then is later courted by the Brotherhood Without Banners (The Libertarian Party). More in-house squabbling continues as the Hand of the Republican Party John Boehner makes a shocking announcement about his future. Trump’s squire Corey Lewandowski leaves Trump’s campaign but soon takes a position on the Republican Party’s Small Council (FOX NEWS). In a shocking twist, Trump’s true parentage comes to light via a flashback as it is revealed that he indeed, IS, an anchor baby.

Episode Five: THE RED WEDDING: House Trump, the unlikely Republican leader, comes face-to-face with all his foes (House Christie, House Cruz, House Rubio, House Bush, House Carson and House Fiorina) in a span of several debates, caucuses and primaries. Only one person is left standing in an episode critics have called “one of the bloodiest and most shocking endings to a Republican primary season in history.”

Episode Six: THE WARS TO COME: After terrorists strike around the world in Paris, Orlando, Brussels, Indonesia, and Germany, House Trump continues his stance that all Muslims be banned from coming into America in order to prevent future attacks. This causes an uproar among the 1.9 billion Muslims around the world, who outnumber and could easily overthrow the 319 million population under the American banner. Meanwhile, House Clinton clinches the Democratic nomination but must face a growing crisis within her own party amid an e-mail scandal, which prompts her cupbearer Debbie Wasserman Schultz to step down as Chairwoman and Protector of the Delegate Votes.

Episode Seven: OATHBREAKER: After starting a revolution within his own party, House Sanders does the unthinkable, betrays his base and sells out by endorsing House Clinton for the Democratic nomination. But little does he know what his supporters will soon be up to.

Episode Eight: THE WINDS OF WINTER: With the elections mere weeks away, the winds of winter, also known as the October surprises, rock both campaigns. First, Watchers of the Wall-kileaks reveal that House Clinton used unauthorized owls and carrier pigeons to send highly classified messages over the Seven Kingdoms instead of the realm-approved ravens. This causes many to withdraw support for Clinton. Several Dorne women, on the other hand, come forward to claim that House Trump touched them inappropriately, quoting him as saying that he was gonna “grab them by the Khaleesi.” Both scandals rock each campaign, putting their USA TODAY/GALLUP poll numbers at an even 44%.

Episode Nine: AND NOW HER WATCH IS ENDED: The shocking results of the 2016 elections come and House Trump, with help from House Duke and troops felt abandoned by House Sanders, defeat House Clinton by the largest of margins. His reign on the Iron Throne soon begins.

Episode Ten: WINTER IS HERE: House Trump begins his reign of terror on the Iron Throne with a mass deportation of illegal immigrants, Muslims, Native Americans, the Khan family, and the Japanese for their involvement in Pearl Harbor. He also exiles Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Rosie O’ Donnell, Bernie Sanders, and comedian Patton Oswolt to the Night’s Watch where they are to “renounce all past allegiances and birthrights.” House Trump later makes a pact with House Putin and House Jong-Il to become the single most powerful force in all of Westeros. Little does Trump know that his biggest threat is yet to come.

Two Hour Series Finale: THE NORTH (AMERICA) REMEMBERS: Sanders supporters who helped elevate House Trump into the Iron Throne, now aware of his demagogue-ways, execute a rebellion to finally help bring down the tyrant. They stage a recall election and with help from House Obama and Michelle’s three dragons obliterate Trump and his allies and finally put an end to the Night King’s rule in all of Westeros, in the process making Michelle the first Black Queen to sit upon the Iron Throne.

THE END!

Carlos’ Facebook Statuses That Never Made the Cut Vol. II

Have you ever had a status that you wanted to post but didn’t because you ever afraid to get your tires sliced or car keyed again, or viewed as living in the past, or viewed as transphobic, homophobic, racist, sexist, or misogynist? Or that you’re simply giving TMI?

In the last year alone, I’ve saved these posts from being published for that same fear. But thanks to the revolutionary mind of Donald Trump, we don’t have to worry about being politically correct anymore (face it, you don’t like him cause he’s Republican. If he was a Democrat, you’d be making excuses for the controversy that comes out of his mouth. Don’t bullshit me!) … so join me in my latest posting as I finally let loose on myriad of topics.

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For Volume One of Carlos’ Facebook Statuses That Never Made The Cut, click here.

 

 

 

Carlos’ 2015 Summer Box Office Winners and Losers List

Summer Movies 2015

Summer Movies 2015

It’s time for my yearly round up of the summer’s winners and losers …

WINNER: Furious 7

Paul Walker’s final performance in Furious 7 before his untimely death in 2013 did for the Fast and the Furious series what Heath Ledger’s death did for the Batman one: It took the series to unprecedented levels. The seventh installment of the star-studded action series opened to $147 million, the biggest opening weekend in April of all-time and the franchise’s biggest opening ever. Its final tally came in at $351 million, putting it ahead of the franchise’s top earner, Fast & The Furious 6, which itself finished at $238 million in 2013.  

Furious 7 also marks a summer back-to-back hit for actor Vin Diesel, following his turn as voice of Groot in last year’s blockbuster Guardians of the Galaxy and an improvement for the Rock after his disappointing turn as Hercules last summer.  A win-within-a-win for the Rock as he was able to regroup this summer with the blockbuster San Andreas, which took in $154 million during its summer run.  

LOSER: Terminator: Genisys

It was supposed to be the first installment of a new trilogy. The beginning of a new era that would literally see the rise of these machines. At least that’s what Warner Bros. had hoped for when they released Terminator: Salvation in 2009. But with Salvation recouping only $125 million of its $200 million budget despite the star power of Christian Bale and Sam Worthington and becoming the worst performer in the series, those plans were immediately scrapped. Fast forward to 2015, the Terminator series falls into the hands of Paramount and they too had ambitious plans with the franchise with its latest installment, Terminator: Genisys.

However, Genisys was supposed to be the first installment of a new trilogy. The beginning of a new era that would literally see the rise of these machines. At least that’s what Paramount had hoped for when they released the movie this past summer. Sound familiar? But having recouped only $89 million of its $155 million budget, despite the star power of a returning Arnold Schwarzenegger, the movie fizzled. It’s probably safe to assume that any future plans for the Terminator series have been stalled or very much …terminated!

WINNER: Jurassic World

The biggest weekend opening in history. A global force. Jurassic World was not only able to accomplish the same feat that its original Jurassic Park predecessor accomplished 22 years earlier but also surpass it. During its opening weekend, Jurassic World grossed $208 million of the $273 million that the box office collectively made that weekend. The sci-fi adventure was also able to fend off higher-profile Marvel tentpoles to become the highest-grossing film of the summer. With $639 million and counting, Jurassic World became the third highest-grossing film of all-time, behind only Avatar ($760 million) and Titanic ($658 million). Another win-within-a-win for actor Chris Pratt, who has now appeared in the number one movie of the summer two years in a row. An impressive feat considering both movies, Guardians of the Galaxy and Jurassic World exceeded expectations.

With Jurassic World’s astounding performance, Universal has already greenlit a sequel for a summer 2018 release where reports say that the dinosaurs might head out of their regular enclosure. Stay tuned.

LOSER: Magic Mike XXL

Despite what women may say, bigger isn’t always better. And that was the case with the lukewarm box office reception to Magic Mike XXL, the underperforming sequel to the 2012 hit. While Warner Bros. decided to double the budget of the Channing Tatum sequel, XXL‘s box office cume tallied just a little over half ($66 million) of its predecessor’s final gross ($113). Although the movie’s budget allowed it to make a profit, a franchise comparison puts it in the loser’s column as it failed to live up to expectations.

XXL’s reception, however, doesn’t look like it will have much of an effect on Tatum as his presence in summer movies have often equaled box office gold (G.I. Joe and 21 Jump Street franchises). He’ll next be seen alongside George Clooney and Josh Brolin in Hail, Caesar next year, followed by Marvel’s Gambit.

WINNER: PIXAR / Illumination Entertainment

PIXAR’s unblemished track record at the box office is one of the most amazing accomplishments in box office history. Heading into the summer, every single one of the 14 films the animated studio has released has opened at number one. Although its latest offering this summer with Inside Out opened at number two, several weeks of underperforming competing films (Ted 2, Terminator Genysis and Magic Mike XXL) allowed it to complete a rare feat: climb to number one after its third week of wide release. This despite competition from the juggernaut film, Jurassic World. By the end of its run, Inside Out became the second-highest-grossing Pixar film ever, behind 2010’s Toy Story 3.

While Dreamworks struggles to find a franchise to overtake the mantle its outdated Shrek franchise currently holds (How To Train Your Dragon comes the closest), Illumination Entertainment has found a franchise of its own that has taken the computer- animated world by storm. And they come in the form of Minions. Since debuting at the box office in 2010, the Despicable Me franchise (which includes the 2013 sequel as well as this summer’s release) has grossed close to one billion dollars at the domestic box office combined, putting Illumination Entertainment on the map. The production company’s other two releases, 2011’s Hop and  2012’s Dr. Suess’ The Lorax has also given the studio five straight number one hits, perhaps giving PIXAR a run for its box office money.

LOSER: Marvel 

Are we in the midst of superhero movie fatigue? With the explosion of superhero-based TV series and films in the last few years, some would reject that notion. However, a look at Marvel’s three underperforming tentpoles this past summer MAY suggest otherwise. While Avengers: Age of Ultron was the second-highest-grossing movie of the summer with $457 million, it fell almost $200 million short of its 2012 predecessor. Meanwhile, the newest entry to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Ant-Man, opened strong with $58 million, however its final tally came in as the second-worst performance of the MCU movies, just slightly ahead of 2008’s The Incredible Hulk, a franchise quickly abandoned after constant disappointments. The third Marvel film, though, not connected to the MCU, Fantastic Four, limped on arrival with a disappointing $25 million opening weekend after being shredded by fans and critics alike. Its final gross: Only $50 million.

With these three underperforming Marvel films, one would think that spacing the movies out over more years would be a rational business move on the part of the companies distributing these films. However, 2016 will be the most ambitious comic book film year yet with FIVE Marvel-based releases scheduled: Deadpool, X-Men: Apocalypse, Captain America: Civil War,  Gambit and Doctor Strange, not to mention DC’s own Batman vs Superman and Suicide Squad releases. Are there too many superhero movies on the plate? According to Steven Spielberg, this genre will one day implode. “We were around when the Western died,” the famous director said. “And there will be a time when the superhero movie goes the way of the Western.”

WINNER: Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise hasn’t had a blockbuster non-Mission Impossible hit since 2005’s War of the Worlds. Perhaps not so ironically, that was the same year when he jumped like a lunatic on Oprah’s couch. In wake of that incident on top of the controversy surrounding his association with the Church of Scientology, Cruise’s Q-rating, a measurement of audience appeal, took a nosedive dive as did his box office reception. A string of box office flops would soon follow: Valkeryie (2008), Knight & Day (2010),  Jack Reacher (2012) and Oblivion (2013). About the only thing that has saved Cruise in the last ten years, including this summer, has been the Mission Impossible series: 2006’s third installment, 2011’s Ghost Protocol, and this past summer’s Rogue Nation. Last year’s Edge of Tomorrow, although far short of recouping its budget, was able to muster enough to give Cruise another $100 million notch under his belt. It’s a rare back-to-back summer feat for Cruise, one that he hasn’t seen in years.

LOSER: Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler used to be the box office go-to guy. His movies, although critically bashed, would perform up-to-par with expectations and more often than not justify his $20 million-per-movie payday.  Between 1998 and 2012, Sandler produced twelve $100 million+ hits, with half of them having been released during the lucrative summer months. However, in the last few years, Sandler’s films have struggled to connect with audiences: 2011’s Jack and Jill grossed only $74 million and 2012’s That’s My Boy, the dream pair-up between himself and another favorite Saturday Night Live alum Andy Samberg, fared worse with only $34 million.

While doing a rare sequel in Grown Ups 2 helped him get out of his rut in 2013, his third pairing with Drew Barrymore in last year’s Blended also flopped, having only made $40 million. Then there’s of course this past summer’s Pixels film. Though the movie’s trailer gave it generally favorable expectations, the film was not able to fend off summer competition, having grossed only $70 million. The films failure even prompted a New York Post columnist to opine that maybe its time for Sandler to retire.   Although that doesn’t appear to be on the table, Sandler recently signed a four-film deal with Netflix, maybe to get back on track it’s time for him to go back to where others have gone to resurrect their careers; a place where he can utter the seven words he’s vowed never to say since his 1995 firing. Those words? Live from New York, It’s Saturday Night!

WINNER: Queens of Comedy

While Adam Sandler is no longer the go-to-guy at the box office, Melissa McCarthy has become the female equivalent.  Since her breakout performance in 2011’s Bridesmaids, McCarthy has been in a string of modest to blockbuster hits within the last two years, including Identity Thief, The Hangover Part III, Heat and last summer’s Tammy. This past summer, McCarthy continued her summer dominace with her turn alongside Jason Statham in the rated R comedy, Spy, which grossed a respectable $110 million. Next year, McCarthy will be seen in Michelle Darnell, a comedy about a woman who’s sent to prison for insider trading, as well as the highly anticipated Ghostbusters reboot.

Up-and-coming comedian Amy Schumer’s profile continues to rise as well. The Emmy-nominated actress’ first female leading role at the box office in the Judd Apatow-directed Trainwreck went on to gross $105 million, which was more than could be said about another R rated comedy, Ted 2, which grossed only $68 million, far short of the $218 million the first one made in 2012. 

Rebel Wilson is also on a roll as her latest offering in Pitch Perfect 2, alongside Anna Kendrick, outgrossed its 2012 predessor during its opening weekend alone. With $183 million in the bucket, Pitch Perfect 3 was immediately greenlit for a 2017 summer release.

LOSER: TV-to-Film Adaptations  

With Mission Impossible being the exception, TV-to-film adaptations failed to spark the box office this summer. While past summers have seen the rise of the Sex and the City and the 21 Jump Street franchises, this summer’s highly anticipated Entourage failed to garner the same success as the TV-to-film adaptations that came before it. Despite cameos by a who’s who list of celebrities, Entourage grossed only $32 during its entire run, far short of Sex and the City’s $152 million take in 2008. Meanwhile, a TV adaptation with lesser publicity and lower expectations, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., starring Man of Steel’s Henry Cavill,  actually outgrossed the Jeremy Piven driven vehicle by only two million. But at $34 million, the film wasn’t able to recoup its $75 million budget, thus further putting its genre in this year’s loser column.

WINNER: Straight Outta Compton

The Ice Cube-produced biopic, Straight Outta Compton, blew box office expectations with a strong $60 million opening weekend. The film would go on to gross $134 million, becoming the highest-grossing music biopic and surpass the box office gross of many Academy and Golden Globe winning films in its genre, including 2005’s Walk the Line ($119 million) and 2004’s Ray ($74 million). Compton also become only the third film this summer to top the weekend box office for three straight weeks. The other two: Furious 7 and Jurassic World.   It didn’t hurt that the movie had a genius marketing campaign tied to a social media Straight Outta Compton generator that allowed users to replace Compton with their own hometown.

As producer, Ice Cube has had his fair share of hits, including the Friday, Barbershop and Are We There Yet franchises as well as last years’s hit, Ride Along with Kevin Hart. Next summer, Cube will see a continuation of those franchises with Ride Along 2, due in January, followed by Barbershop 3, out next April. With Cube, it doesn’t appear that there’l ever be a moment in his career when he’s straight outta sequels.

Please note that I consider April as part of the beginning of the summer movie season since more and more releases in April are big budgeted summer-like movies. Winners and losers are determined not by the quality of the movie but by various factors, including my very own opinion based on box office numbers and comparisons. All box office grosses are domestic unless otherwise noted. All box office numbers are from Box Office Mojo. 

Confederate Flags In Pop Culture We May Have Missed The First Time Around

(The following entry was inspired by The Onion and Mad Magazine. Please read at your own risk.)

As calls for Confederate flags across federal buildings be taken down continue to grow, institutions and businesses across America are swiftly going through their inventory in desperate attempts to cut ties with what some are calling a symbol of hate.

This week, Amazon, eBay and Walmart announced that they would immediately stop sales of Confederate flags on their websites. The Washington National Cathedral announced they would remove stained glass windows that featured the flags. Apple removed all of its Civil War games from its app store because the flag appears on the game. Warner Bros. announced that they would stop selling toys that featured the flag, including the iconic Chrysler from its 1980’s hit TV show, “The Dukes of Hazzard.”

While some call these actions by these companies “a hysteria of cultural cleansing,” others are calling it long overdue.

I, on the other hand, see this as an opportunity to go back and look at other places in popular culture where we may not have noticed the controversial flag the first time around.

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Confederate Thomas and Mammy Two Shoes

Confederate Tomas and Mammy Two Shoes

In this never-before aired episode of “Tom & Jerry”, titled “The Cat Confederato”, Mammy Two Shoes has had enough of Tomas the Cat. After years of putting up with her feline causing thousands of dollars in home repairs (not to mention the rising cost of home insurance that came with it),  Mammy finally puts her feet down by kicking Tomas out of the house after he comes home drunk, proudly displaying the Confederate flag that many, including Mammy, say sparked the previous week’s shooting of unarmed Felix the Cat by white police officer, Snoopy.

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American Hero, Legend Hulk Hogan

American Hero and Wrestling Legend Hulk Hogan

Wrestling legend Hulk Hogan’s entrance theme song boasts that he is “a real American.” That he “fights for the rights of every man” and  “fights for what’s right.” But you couldn’t tell that by one of the shirts Hogan brought down to the ring during a recent appearance. Observers tell us, though, that once Hogan figured out the symbolic nature of his shirt, he uncharacteristically ripped it right off and threw it to the face of his opponent that night – George Gray, who was returning to the WWE to reprise his role as Akeem, the white African Dream.

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Mr Rogers

Mr Rogers and his closet

We all know Mr. Rogers as the friendly next-door neighbor. But who would have thought that Mr. Rogers was hiding something much more sinister in his closet- a black Confederate sweater? I guess we shouldn’t judge a book by its PBS cover. I’m talking to you too, original voice of Elmo.

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Boyz N The Hood

Boyz N The Hood

“Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on in the hood.”

While some say that this scene in the film, “Boyz N The Hood,” is a culmination of a bloody gang war between the Crips and the Bloods, others interpret this as a Bloods gang member representing a Confederate group. If you recall: The movie’s protagonist, Ricky, was killed in this scene, thus preventing him from joining the predominant white University of Southern California (USC) on that football scholarship he earned. Makes sense now, doesn’t it?

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Watermark in a $100 bill

Watermark on a $100 bill

Did you know that the watermark on a $100 is that of a Confederate flag? Well, it sure is. Go ahead, put it up towards the light and see for yourself. Disclaimer: The watermark could only be seen during a total lunar eclipse and by pregnant women only.

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“I know all there is to know about the crying game”

While movie-goers had the same look of bewilderment as this IRA-fuck during the most talked about scene in the movie “The Crying Game”, one thing movie-goers may have missed was the Confederate tattoo on the shoulder of his “girlfriend,” Dil. No word on whether Miramax Films, which owns the rights to the film, will remove any organs or extremities in future releases.

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Sharon Stone's wardrobe malfunction

Sharon Stone’s wardrobe malfunction

Much like “The Crying Game,” “Basic Instinct” had moviegoers shocked at the visual of genitalia on the big screen. Little did they know such a thing would later become a common occurrence on HBO.  If you look closer, you can see some Confederate panties.

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NASA

One small step for man, one giant leap for the Confederacy.

Astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were once American heroes for being the first to land on the moon in 1969. Although the landing on the moon was one step forward for all mankind, the flag displayed, as pictured above, was more like two steps back.

It is believed that President Obama will give an executive order to man another mission to the moon, this one reportedly called Apollo 11: Age of Ultron in order to remove that Confederate flag. For this new mission, President Obama plans to sign another executive order that will have Armstrong, who has since passed away, be replaced by his younger brother, Lance.  Buzz Aldrin, who has since retired, will likely be replaced by Apollo 13 veteran, Tom Hanks. Many expect Ron Howard to direct.

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Super Mario Bros.

Super Mario Bros.

Turtles, mushroom hybrids and venus flytrap-eating-type plants coming out of pipes weren’t the only enemies Super Mario was facing in the 1985 video game of the same name. Apparently Mario was also fighting government officials over the use of the Confederate flag in front of federal buildings. In the gameplay, a player successfully finishes off each level by lowering the Confederate flag in each of the eight federal buildings throughout the game. Once accomplishing that goal, Mario is allowed to fight and defeat Bowser, the powerful GOP also known as King Koopa, in order to save Luigi, who turns out is not his brother but his lover. Once accomplishing that goal, Mario is allowed to marry whomever he wants. In the sequel, Mario wakes up from his dreams only to find himself in a nightmare – that King Koopa’s older brother Jeb has taken over the reigns of the states. New mission: To save Princess Hillary.

Super Mario Bros. Ending

Original Super Mario Bros. Ending

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LoveIs

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the comic strip, “Love Is,” has such profound love for the Confederate flag. In fact, since the comic’s inception in 1970, no minority or member of the LGBT community has been featured on the strip outside of the two lovable naked white folks. This never-before published edition of “Love Is” really drives home the point of a mentality this country once, and in many instances, unfortunately, still has. Legal Disclaimer: “Love Is” and Tribune Media Services were not responsible for this edition of the comic strip. A hopeless writer desperate for attention was.

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Dishonorable Mentions

White Castle: What You Crave

White Castle: What You Crave

It’s all in the name: WHITE Castle.

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Quaker What?

Quaker What?

It shouldn’t be surprising that a product based on a Quaker somehow finds itself representing a Confederate group, should it?

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Glass Joe from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out

Glass Joe from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out

While Glass Joe was the easiest character to defeat in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out, he was probably the most outspoken. Although hailing from France, Joe took a stance to represent a group detested throughout American history.  But with 10 consecutive right hooks, you can easily dispose of not only him but also that of those Confederate shorts.

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Rerun from What's Happening

Rerun from What’s Happening

Actor Fred Barry played the charismatic, show-stealing Rerun in the 1970’s sitcom, “What’s Happening.” Little did Barry know that his wardrobe was stitched together from the same fabric used to make those same Confederate flags.

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Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev

Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev

Mikhail Gorbachev was a very mysterious man. But nothing was much more mysterious than the birthmark on his forehead. While some say the birthmark was shaped like that of the Korean Peninsula, others couldn’t discount its similarity to the Confederate flag. Take a look for yourself.

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 And last but not least…

FedEx The World on Time

FedEx The World on Time

While FedEx CEO Fred Smith’s idea for what would later become FedEx’s successful operating services got him a “C” in an economics paper at Yale,  his idea for a FedEx logo during a marketing class got him an “F.” Care to see why???